Y'all Gon' Make Me Lose My Mind!!!

So something that I have been very bad with is feeling a sense of belonging. A few years ago I often had thoughts of just wanting to take my own life and honestly going back to where I came from! Then I don't know what changed my mindset but I think someone told me that I should rely more heavily on my Heavenly Father and trust in Him to give me a sense of comfort.

All of a sudden today I had that feeling again. I feel like I'm often misunderstood and that no one understands me. Sometimes when I talk to New Girl, I feel like she always judges me for the things that I say or that she thinks that I sound stupid when I try to voice my opinion on something. Now, don't get me wrong she is an amazing friend, she looks after me the way any friend would and she's always there for me. But sometimes I feel like she could try harder to pay more attention to me. The same way I pay attention to her when she is telling me something important in her life or when she is telling me about an article that she has read. I respond with an honest and sincere response but I guess we can't have it all.
I think another reason why I have been feeling so alone is because spending the whole day alone in this apartment without interacting different people, just communicating through Facebook and text message has DEFINITELY taken it's toll!!!!

It's so true what they say that, you may be surrounded by a lot of people within your social media but you can still feel like the loneliest person ever. I guess I just needed to vent a little because honestly I'm losing my mind! I guess I need to get out a little more or Skype or something because this is getting out of control!!!!

Did Someone Say... EPIPHANY?!

So, at a whim I decided to start a blog... Yea I figured since I hardly ever get the time to write in my journal I'm going to give ONLINE JOURNALING "the old one two, the old Cornell try". I'm not really familiar with this but what I can tell you is that I can write what I want, without worrying about punctuation or grammar.

Earlier today an old friend of mine came back from his trip to North Carolina. New Girl and I were sitting on the couch, we said "come in" he walked in and flashed that gorgeous smile! Can someone say swoon?? We went to get some food, because you know food always makes things a lot better. Now bare in mind that me and Mr Hunky have been friends for thee longest time and he was telling me about his new girlfriend. For a moment I didn't think I would be that jealous of hearing about his new girlfriend but I was a little bit. Not because I don't want him to be with someone but because I was not expecting him to find someone so soon. Anyway, that is definitely not the point...

We were sitting, chatting and eating when he looked at me and said "TK, are you okay? Are things going good for you?" At which moment I look up at him and say "Yea, I'm good". Then he continues to say with the most genuine voice ever "you know I just feel like the guys in your life don't appreciate you and they don't treat you like the special person that you are". LITERALLY TRUER WORDS HAVE NEVER BEEN SPOKEN TO ME IN MY LIFE!!!! I don't know why hearing it from him made it so much more meaningful but in that moment I tried to hold back the tears!

..............................*sigh* I often think that a lot of people in my life do not appreciate the time and effort that I am willing to give to them. I love people so much and all I want is for people to know that. I think the reason why I do this is because, honestly, my dad was never the kind of person who showed me or told me that he loved me and I have learned to settle for someone that will treat me the same way. I don't want other people to feel that way though. I want them to know that I love them and I care for them. To know that they have someone they can talk to and someone that they can trust!

I think that conversation today made me reevaluate my priorities about what is important! LOL got me thinking about Tinder right now... How, I don't need to be talking to random strangers and searching for attention. That when the time is right God will give me a MAN who wants to be with me, who will treat me with the same love and respect! Who will help me build myself up and become a better person. :)